@simoncholland: I just want to be rich enough that I don't have to watch DIY videos on YouTube every time something in my house breaks.
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@PastorBate: Sea cucumbers are actually animals, so regular cucumbers are either lying or they need to step their game up.
@funflaps: [doing my stand-up comedy routine to an audience of crickets] guys, just tell me, are you enjoying this or not?
@sofarrsogud: DINOSAUR PARTY TRICERATOPS: GROUP SELFIE!! *hands phone to T-Rex T-REX: Still not funny you guys. Not. Funny.
@llvvzz: If your problem can be solved by: Naps Cake Drugs Alcohol or Murder Then you don't really have a problem.