@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me
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@michaelianblack: The phrase "Whatever floats your boat" is misleading because, practically speaking, the only thing that's going to float your boat is water.
@NJFreudian: Which doesnt belong? Camel Polar Bear Obama Buffalo Camel......It's the only one on the list that knows something about the Middle East
@markedly: My teenage son Filbert was ejected from the Young Republicans for naming his pet lizard Bernie Salamanders. You bet your buns he's grounded.
@thegayfarmerguy: Cat is hissing at nothing in the kitchen. Based on horror movies I've seen nothing good can come of this, but I'm a white guy so I'll stay.