@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me
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@iwearaonesie: wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
@PortRooster: On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!
@markleggett: At the ripe old age of 900, in a universe inhabited by thousands of alien races, I bet Yoda had some pretty racist shit to say.