@TheTimmyToes: I just want to be rich enough to say "that won't be necessary" when the police go to handcuff me
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.
@TheMichaelRock: If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.
@Bexdora: Meet Brian, my monkey butler. He's gonna help out around the office. *Monkey flinging office equipment out the window* Brian hates clutter.
@GrantTanaka: wife: maybe you should start working out again me: [literally sweating from trying to open a can of pringles] why