@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.
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@TheAlexNevil: Decades have gone by and STILL my parents have not given back the Halloween candy they took from me "for safe keeping".
@0point5twins: "I bumped into your wife yesterday" "Oh, where?" "You know the café opposite the S&M club?" "Yes" "Opposite that café"
@KeetPotato: "i said make him fetch" yeah? "what have you done" he looks pretty fetching to me *dog in shirt & tie* does he have a job interview or somet
@matt_travelling: So is Walmart a verb now? As in, "I'm out of clean underwear, so I'm going to have to Walmart it today."