@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.
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@krustythe_klown: A bum gets on a bus and walks past a nun. The nun says "youre going to hell". The bum yells "Damn, Im on the wrong bus" ! :D
@errdayhustlah: I bet Columbus was super pissed when he rolled up in the Santa María only to find Dora had already explored America.
@ch000ch: cops at DUI checkpoints should just check to see if u texted ur ex at some point throughout the night
@Sassafrantz: [texting] ex: your friends were looking at me really strange at the game. me: yeah well I told them you died in a hot air balloon accident.