@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.
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@ktmcburr: I wonder if giraffes can eat so much their stomach explodes bc they just don't know it right away cuz it's in their neck for so long. What.
@GrantTanaka: If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
@TheMichaelRock: Boss: Anyone have anything else to add to this meeting? Me: Yes. I am awesome. Boss.... Me: Write that shit down.