@JVarsityCaptain: I just want to hug this out. With my hands around your neck type of hug. What I mean is, I want to strangle you.
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@Vodkantots: As a Jew, I refuse to enter any steam room or sauna until I've seen other people come out.
@sarcasticmommy4: My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
@AGreaterMonster: Mmmh, the wetness...don't stop, harder, oh god yes, more fingers...I love the way you rub my head. --me, getting a shampoo at the salon
@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."