@dumbbeezie: I just want to learn enough sign language to convince a hair stylist to cut my hair in silence
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@michaelianblack: Happy Fourth of July. May your emails be gathered and your drones fly forever free!
@ramblinma: I'm not saying I want a divorce, it's just that sometimes 50% custody sounds pretty appealing.
@Tmoney68: [Sloth Job Interview] Sloth Boss: How would you describe yourself? *2 hours later* Sloth Interviewee: Quick-thinking.
@AcerbicSuburban: Secretly adding a tablespoon of butter to everything he eats is my long-term exit plan.