@DaddyJew: I just watched one kid call his twin brother ugly and now I'm just waiting for him to realize what that means
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@AristotlesNZ: Him: Ha! I got your ATM card. Me: So? You'll never guess my PIN. Him: Is it 6969? Me:.. Him:. Me:.. Him:. Me: Seriously dude, give it back.
@WheelTod: I'm the outdoorsy type. I hate being chained to a desk all day, but management say they have no choice until I stop biting my coworkers.
@PhilJamesson: WHEN CATS ARE SAD Bartender: What'll ya have? Cat: Shot of rum. [Bartender pours it] [Cat slowly pushes it off the bar] Cat: Another.
@Dutch_50: The Carpenters: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Me: Those aren't birds. They're giant blood sucking mosquitos.