@nPhelendriqal: No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps.

@leyawn: richard dawkins got owned again. when will this man learn

@ShaneKnowsStuff: People hear my southern accent and automatically assume I'm stupid. Let me tell you something right now. That is just a coincidence.

@The_Mentalyst: In a parallel universe, Two bars walk into a man.

@withanewname: "SIRI, WHERE'S THE REMOTE?" -- "SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!" -- "SIRI, WHERE'S MY DINNER?" -- Wife: "She's either deaf, or had sex with you too."