@iNusku: I just wish God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well.
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@aligarchy: it's weird that the skin that holds in all the organs of our body can be opened with a sharp piece of paper seems like a huge design flaw
@Reverend_Scott: *bark* "What's that Lassie?" *bark bark* "Timmy's stuck in a loveless marriage with an overly critical wife?" *bark* "Ooh, dinnertime."
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: Emotionally disturbed man gets into Trump Tower. He was stopped by security, but not before being named a senior advisor.
@Bluestmoon_: How to make microwave popcorn: 2 minutes 27 seconds-half bag popped. 2 minutes 29 seconds-MICROWAVE ON FIRE.