@TrueTorontoGirl: I just witnessed an employee choking on her noodles and now I feel sorry for her husband.
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@JustDontBugMe: MIL: You're going to give me a heart attack someday! M: Last time I checked you didn't even have a heart.
@Vodkantots: At this point in my life, my biological clock isn't so much ticking as it is knitting.
@DamnitJosh: "Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I'm not angry or covered in piss.
@AmishPornStar1: Pro Tip: You can disable the surveillance camera in your microwave by heating a metal fork on the high setting for 7 minutes.