@TrueTorontoGirl: I just witnessed an employee choking on her noodles and now I feel sorry for her husband.
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@Tdf41: I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning.
@BonaFideIntent: Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist
@joci2203: [first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?
@qwertying: My son managed to lock the car with my keys still in the ignition. He suggest a coat hanger. I said we’re a few years too late for that.