@thisislizz: I just yelled 'Jayden' at the mall and now I'm a mom to like 20 kids.
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@Brampersandon_: JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *A googly-eyed sock puppet whispers in my ear* ME: yes ur honor
@david8hughes: [pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha
@animaldrumss: No, actually I hate gambling, that's why the dice on my shirt are on fire. If I see someone start to gamble I'll burn up his gambling dice.
@SadMeterologist: My neighbors are organizing something called a "fun run". This shit never happened when I lived in my car.