@Death_Buddy: I keep a chalk outline of myself drawn outside my house so any murderers think, "dang, someone's already got the murdering covered here"
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@CroweJam: I wear a cape when I'm driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I'm going somewhere to fight crime.
@lawblob: [the boss walks by my desk and catches me looking at sonic anime] Me: the hackers are at it again. I was trying to visit church. com
@TheHyyyype: *aliens come to earth to steal our water* [cut to] *aliens running out of store with like fifteen evian bottles they didn't pay for*
@Token_Geezer: It hurts? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing. It doesn’t hurt? That’s the body’s way of showing you it’s healing. - Doctors