@Jackson5toLife: I keep a length of dental floss inside my perpetually furrowed brow.
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@13spencer: Relationship advice: Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.
@Jandalize: On the Hot Wheels isle helping a friend pick out a sweet Corvette that she promised her 18yo for graduation. Life's all about the wording.
@FrogAvalanche: Baby Lawyer: Did you steal the victim's nose? Accused: No. *cries into palms Baby Judge: O, great, he's disappeared again.
@ExcuseMyTweets: The Bank of America app randomly disappeared off my phone and now I'm wondering how much money I spent last night.