@HockeyTornado: I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily
@Fingers_of_Fury: You're like that person playing Pictionary who draws something terribly and just keeps circling it.
@jonnysun: COP 1: whys there a dead scuba diver in the forest?? COP 2: easy…he was in the water they drop on forest fires WEIRD SERIAL KILLER: no no NO