@SarcasticAlly12: I keep a tiny vial of gluten in my pocket in case I ever need to smash it on the ground to make a getaway from a large group of hipsters
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@notalogin: On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you're in there for, say "the food" so all the other prisoners know you're a loose cannon.
@AristotlesNZ: We need a weapon that hits something only hard enough to really annoy it, then turns back around & attacks us! -Inventor of the Boomerang.
@Mikecanrant: When the UPS guy hands you that pad where you digitally sign your name, you can put anything. Today I put "lame shorts" and nothing happened