@hipchkk: I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, "Period!"
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@iGreenMonk: Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.
@slimmy_shady: The only upside to Trump's big wall is that Texas will finally get some of Banksy's Art. Maybe like a little girl and a soldier with a gun
@TheCatWhisprer: They call cat people crazy but we're not the ones outside at 5AM every morning putting fresh dog poop into tiny baggies.
@the_hawlk: SECURITY GUARD: "Sir, I have to check all backpacks" ME: "ok" *opens backpack* *its full of hundreds of tiny backpacks*