@hipchkk: I keep an extra stash of tampons in my purse to launch at blowhards who punctuate the end of their sentence with the word, "Period!"
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@ThisOneSayz: *opens door* Stop screaming! *opens door* What broke?! *opens door* Just wait until I get out there!! ~parenting from the bathroom
@laffytakky: In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby.
@swiftenhaal: Carp we hit an iceberg! What am I herring? This scampi true! Whale I squid you not Oh cod I can't die Waterboat me? You're so shellfish Fin
@notthattom: i talk to dumb ppl the same way i talk to a puppy... "who's blocking the exit?? WHO? who's blockin' the way!?! YOU are! yes you are!!!"