@CakeThrottle: I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there
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@carlyken: "I'm a social activist. No seriously. I just changed my profile picture to a rainbow." -everyone on Facebook
@flashember: *Buys map of world, pins up on wall *Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands *packs for wall 3 feet away *has an amazing time at wall
@dafloydsta: WIFE: The police are at the front door ME: *hiding a bag of donuts* Do they look mad?
@AndrewChamings: If you’re forcing me to choose between you and my dream of making a sequel to the 1982 horror classic then you’ve got another Thing coming.