@Carmel_Coleman: I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That'll teach 'em. Can't unsee that.
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@SteveSuckington: [on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach "that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok
@junejuly12: *gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*