@Carmel_Coleman: I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That'll teach 'em. Can't unsee that.
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@mjkspeaks: ME: [waking up from nap] HER: *looking angry* when i said i wanted to sleep with you this isn’t what i meant
@KyleMcDowell86: [going thru airport security] "Please turn your laptop on" *I start to stroke it's audio input* "That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this
@BlazedDonuts: The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
@NervousJr: When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams.