@3Snowbee3: I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie.
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@NicestHippo: *runs into restaurant* IS ANYONE HERE A DOCTOR? "I'm a doctor" Nice. Nice. Can you buy me dinner I'm very poor
@Amburglar_: Ugh don't you hate it when you accidentally leave the volume up on your phone & the next stall hears the *click* when you snapchat your turd
@buhsbaby_baby: "Boys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses" -I remind myself as I flirt with the fire extinguisher I've mistaken for a cute guy
@cool_as_heck: OBAMA: your resume says you think of the "best nicknames?" ME: that's right, Obama-nable snowman *finger guns* OBAMA: [softly] holy shit