@hazelmotes1: I keep my monocle freshly waxed so it easily slips out of my eye socket and falls into my cup of tea whenever I'm shocked by your behavior.
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@brianbowman73: Female Coworker: I just got this implant in my arm. It's for birth control. Me: I didn't even know an arm could get pregnant.
@Proxic0n: SWAT: give up the hostages RICK ASTLEY[holding a gun to my head]: you know I can't do that
@Cheeseboy22: My problem with McDonalds is I can't go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can't fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds.