@omgthatspunny: I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: Do you party? Me: Well I do schedule two nights a month that I stay up past 11pm. So yeah.

@JermHimselfish: Thinking about quitting my job to pursue my dream of not working.

@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.

@LeannaZaiden: I get bi with a little help from my girl friends.