@Gooooats: I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it's a sombrero and I'm making zero progress.
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@LoneWolfStanley: Keep thinking about asking out a woman that works at my gym but if we end up back at my place she'll see that I've been stealing towels.
@ItMightBeJim: Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand.
@dxblarssonENG: I'm such a slave to the man working on a Saturday night. A drunk slave but whatever. Atleast my e-mails to my boss are hilarious now.
@MelvinofYork: My wife says "Don't walk away when I'm talking to you" when 1. she's not talking, she's yelling, and 2. I'm not walking away, I'm retreating