@Gooooats: I keep trying to turn my hat around backwards so I can get down to business, but it's a sombrero and I'm making zero progress.
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@RobertJrDowney: I think Voldemort's face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
@dafloydsta: [couples therapy] ME: She thinks I make bad decisions WIFE: He traded our car for a skateboard THERAPIST: *writing notes* This guy rules
@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.