@BurroFuma: I keep waiting for my Cadbury Creme Eggs to hatch into Cadbury Creme Chickens, but no luck so far. And sitting on them certainly didn't help
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@daemonic3: [graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* "traffic, my bad"
@iAmDelFreaky: Doc: Let's check your reflexes. Me: I have the reflexes of a cat. Doc: *hits my knee with a hammer* Me: MEOW! *scratches Doc's eyes out*
@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I want to run over my neighbor with my SUV. How can I do that without raising my insurance rates?