@Super_Cynthia: I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
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@bobvulfov: BANK ROBBER: ok hands in the air. nobody move. slide to the left. slide to the right. take it back now y'all. one hop this time
@iAmDelFreaky: I heard my cat walking down the hall because his claws are too long. Then I realized I hadn't taken off his tap shoes since the photo shoot.
@SteveKoehler22: As the horse fell to the barn floor, he quickly pressed his Life Alert ... "Help...I've fallen and I can't giddyup !"
@daemonic3: [on phone] "Press 1 if you're a huge nerd" "Press 2 if you're a virgin" "Press 3 if y-" STOP TALKING, DAD! I'm trying to call Xbox support