@TheToddWilliams: [Friday Night] WIFE: Have fun at poker ME {stopping at door}: What did you say? W: Have fun ME: After that W: Uh…at poker- ME: IT'S POKÉMON

@EndhooS: *stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset* Sara? *Gets down on one knee* *audible gasp* "Yes?" Help my knee is made of magnets

@LostCatDog: The 9-year-old in me thinks life is all about fun. But then I think, how long is it gonna take to digest this kid? I'm a huge python, btw.

@Donna_McCoy: Willpower? Sure. It's in the garage with my unicorn.

@PhuckinCody: "so i had the dream again last night," priest: *sighs* again, dreaming about sleeping with the green m&m is not a sin. weird, but not a sin