@fatherofcomedy: I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@truegritrumble: ME: *pulling up my pants* What's the prognosis, Doc? DOCTOR: You've got cancer. ME: WHAT?! DOCTOR: Haha. Jk. I'm not a doctor.
@PhuckinCody: [first date] HER: i'm really into astronomy ME: [revealing my secret stash of Milky Ways] you don't say
@Mister_Gravity: I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater.