@fatherofcomedy: I killed a girl who posted too many selfies.I think i can claim selfie-defence.
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@emilylime: The more exclamation marks I use, the more I'm lying: Miss you too girl!!! Yea I'd love to go to lunch!!!!! Sorry something came up!!!!!!!!
@Vodkantots: If your boyfriend doesn't buy you chocolates today, it's probably because he thinks you're fat.
@RoosterMustache: WIFE: omg the FBI ME: thats just female body inspectors W: why are they here M: probably all those female bodies we buried W: o yah lol