@AnkCoupleTO: Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I "experimented" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please

@mynameisntdave: "Excuse me waiter, can I have a fork?" "Is Pepsi okay?"

@Bob_Janke: I was watching you while you slept. You look pretty stupid.

@FxckManny: Me: Send me pics Girl: What you wanna see ;) Me: Spiderman Girl: What ? Me:

@faisaladam_: In Soviet Russia a bar walks into men. The case of the man-killing-bar remains unsolved.