We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@Kali_Mura: I killed my twin because she wouldn't admit that she was the evil one.
@JimmerThatisAll: If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.
@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.
Right now, Danny Ocean is robbing the Bellagio.
@DamonHunzeker: Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.
@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.