@JustinGuarini: You know you're tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it's easier to get up or just live there now

@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.

@JediGigi: Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.

@jctwritesstuff: My waxer keeps mumbling about finding Big Foot. Probably just means he finds me mysterious, right?

@SkinnerSteven: Chomsky? I'm afraid I don't Noam