@Kali_Mura: I killed my twin because she wouldn't admit that she was the evil one.
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@JustinGuarini: You know you're tired when you kneel on the ground pick something up and then have to decide if it's easier to get up or just live there now
@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
@JediGigi: Hot guy just walked up to me and said I was pretty so naturally I pulled out a Sharpie and drew a star on his forehead.
@jctwritesstuff: My waxer keeps mumbling about finding Big Foot. Probably just means he finds me mysterious, right?