@JimmerThatisAll: If a woman asks you to buy her a flamethrower ask yourself some questions before you buy it.

@joshcomers: Can't find my belt so I'll just need to get fatter.

@JTinkleComedy: #MayweathervMcgregor. Right now, Danny Ocean is robbing the Bellagio.

@DamonHunzeker: Curiosity gave the cat slightly high blood pressure but nothing to be concerned about.

@SideOfWine: Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects.