@JennyJohnsonHi5: I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in.
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@WilliamAder: Spent way too much time walking around the house trying to track down an odd noise that turned out to be a whistle in my nose.
@myonlymizztake: Told my doctor I would lose 10 pounds in three months. That was three months ago and now I have 18 hours to lose 9¾ pounds.
@GoldenSpirals: Me: Goodnight Moon. Moon: Don't "Goodnight" me! Do you know what time it is? Where the hell have you been?
@Schmoodles: It's easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account.