@WilliamAder: I knew joining a gym was a bad idea when I got there and needed help pulling the door open.
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@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@Tmoney68: If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I'd go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
@histwaddle: Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen.
@DurtMcHurtt: Your helium addiction is out of control, but nobody is taking your cry for help seriously.