@lakeanagirl: I knew my wife was having a bad day when she put her tampon behind her ear and couldn't find her cigarette.
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@bridger_w: After I ask a stranger if I can pet their dog and they say yes, I like to respond, "I'll keep that in mind" and walk off
@PJTLynch: *wife sees me crying* Her: What's going on? Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet? They think I'm pee!