@BradBroaddus: I knew that psychic wasn't legit when she let me write a check.
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@longwall26: Next time a job interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years, say "Why TELL you when I can SHOW you?" then just sit there for 5 years.
@Swishergirl24: The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?
@joeldanger: Dear Satan, God never healed my dyslexia so I'm looking for new religion. Please send some pamphlets. And tell Rudolph hey. Love, Me
@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.