@BradBroaddus: I knew that psychic wasn't legit when she let me write a check.
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@shashaintl: 10 year old: What was it like? Me: What was what like? 10: Being alive in the 1900's? Me: Go to your room.
@claudiaa_haleyy: I hate that "You know what to do" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
@juliussharpe: I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, "Who is that solo genius?"
@panmidwest: [end of long conversation] HER: let me give you my number ME: great! [forgot name] how do you spell your name? HER: ME: HER: k-i-m ME: