@jonnysun: i know a guy who loves saying "best thing since sliced bread" and i imagine hes always at a grocery store lookin at bread and just losing it
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@Andrea__B__: Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
@TylerLinkin: Yesterday I fell, landed on my back, and could not roll over and get up. At the time I was wearing a Turtleneck Sweater.
@Jay_FrickinLynn: Women freeze their eggs until they are ready to be a mom? Can I freeze my two year old until I'm ready?
@MoistPork: Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers.