@jonnysun: i know a guy who loves saying "best thing since sliced bread" and i imagine hes always at a grocery store lookin at bread and just losing it
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@TheTalkingPipe: It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn't laugh at something.
@bridger_w: Every time I think I've parallel parked in a space the size of a shoebox, I get out and find it's the length of two football fields
@IamEnidColeslaw: when the ice cream man drives down my street I walk alongside him screaming TAKE ME WITH YOU I WILL BEAR YOU MANY STRONG SONS
@sammyrhodes: "If you have a ministry like Jesus it will probably be made up of about 12 people who don't get your illustrations, & 1 wants to kill you."