@omgthatspunny: I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Jenny4ashley: My boyfriend is so needy. Always demanding things like "please untie me" and "just tell me who you are".
@1_swarthy_dude: Her:[watching sunset]"Best date ever! Nothing can ruin this mo.." *crunching sounds* Me:[eating live Monarch butterflies out of a ziplock]
@Cpt_Burnout: Subway kid: Would you like your sandwich toasted? Me: No, I'm toasted enough for both us. In fact I'm kind of hoping it can drive me home.
@Swain_Train47: Bernie Sanders was going to do a parody of Trump's slogan for his campaign but "Make America Bern Again" didn't go over well with marketing.