@GensPlace: I know I'm gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.
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@PlatinumShower: Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.
@Bob_Janke: If you ever feel silly for being on Twitter just remember there are people on national television asking "ghosts" questions.
@RamblingMachine: Too many TV ads about how you can remove blood stains off clothes with detergents & none about how you can hide the body? Where's the logic?
@simoncholland: All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.