@Lerky: "HI DO YOU WANT TO DRESS UP NICE SO WE CAN QUEUE OUTSIDE A CLUB & GET INSIDE & QUEUE UP TO BUY A DRINK & THEN QUEUE UP TO GO TO THE TOILET?"

@Cpin42: I’m sick of people blaming the Internet when someone gets killed. Watch the History Channel. Hitler didn’t find the Jews on craigslist.

@Humor_Fetish: There's a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.

@KyleMcDowell86: IN CASE OF FIRE BREAK GLASS *breaks glass* *a glazed honey ham pops out* "Nice nice"

@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny