@AimeeHelene1: *picks out all the marshmallows from your Lucky Charms* *replaces them with Flintstones vitamins* You looked a little sickly.

@ficklenuts: [first day of school] LILY: My mommy named me Lily because she loves lilies. LUNA: My mommy named me Luna because she loves the moon. BRANDY and METHANY: We hate this game.

@TheRolo: How many virgins do I get from dying of embarrassment? Does anyone know?

@KyleMcDowell86: [in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF

@huntigula: [snowman rings doorbell] Pardon me, but I overheard someone say something about a "snow blower" and was wondering where I might find one.