@Marl_TheBean: I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
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@ImaFlyontheWall: pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window..
@SaraESpivey: My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He's mad now.
@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I make bad decisions "He hired a clown for my nana's funeral" PEOPLE NEEDED CHEERING UP, KAREN
@capricecrane: Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. And nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?