@chadchaines: I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used
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@ianduhig: "I am the ghost of Christmas Future Perfect Subjunctive: I will show you what would have happened were you not to have changed your ways!"
@jdawsey1: NYC parks department on naked Trump statue: "NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.”
@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
@ReticentTurnip: JOB INTERVIEWER: Talk about a time when a big project of yours didn't work out as you hoped ME: Well I got two English degrees