@chadchaines: I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used
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@sheseemslegit: Dear Fox news, I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, disappointed viewer.
@martyntanton: My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
@jordan_stratton: *drinking water* Ahh, yes. Surely this single glass will reverse what I did to my body this weekend.