@longwall26: I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.
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@Playing_Dad: I once sat down with Oprah to discuss my drug use but I was high & that might not have been Oprah because why did she need to borrow money?
@SashaSavoy: And then whiskey said "tweet that, it's hilarious". But whiskey was wrong. So very wrong.
@MiddleageM: This lady just licked her finger and wiped her daughters face... <--Hands her some Listerine and gets in line to be cleaned
@EmmettScanlan: Mum: "OMG clean your room! This is MADNESS!" Me: "Madness?! NO... THIS IS SPARTA!!" *Kicks Mum*..