@VictorscarletJ: I know we just got divorced, but would you mind showing my girlfriend how to make an omelet the way I like them?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WeissBrandon: Cop: do you know why I was following you? Me: WAS following? Wait you unfollowed me? Cop:haha Me:haha Cop... Me... Is it cause of the drugs?
@SuperApple8: If Ryan Gosling doesn't ask me to be his valentine, I'm moving on. This ship has sailed. This ball has sunk. This fart has flatulated.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: HR wants to see you Me: What for? Boss: Mandatory drug test Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had