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@cynbin_: I know what I'm getting for Christmas.
Fat. I'm getting fat.
@imdaintyaf: Preacher: CAN I GET AN AMEN?!?
Me: [from back row] MAY you get an amen
@ElizaBayne: You're not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU'RE RICH
@IamEnidColeslaw: are you a female guitar player with a breathy, annoying voice? congratulations Starbucks will play your music, no questions asked
@Brampersandon_: ME: I fell off a 50 ft tall ladder once
GIRL: holy cow how did you survive
ME: I fell off the bottom rung
@saucy_peaches: Marriage tips
1. Separate bank accounts
2. Separate bedrooms
3. Separate homes
4. Separate dates w/other ppl
6. Don't get married