@CanadianPitbull: I know why you wear your wedding ring on your left hand guys. Cause once you say "I do" your right hand is gonna be awful busy.
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@tchrquotes: Student: I want a bunny, but my dad says bunnies just die. Me: So? You're going to die, and he had you.
@usedwigs: The hardest part of the day after running a marathon is finding ways to work it into every single conversation you have.
@HeMightBeJason: Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it's burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth. I'm a goddamn genius.