@CanadianPitbull: I know why you wear your wedding ring on your left hand guys. Cause once you say "I do" your right hand is gonna be awful busy.
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@MarionDowling: BREAKING NEWS: A werewolf has apparently mated with the Loch Ness Monster. Please retweet to raise a Were Ness.
@AdamBroud: *Sees ant carrying a leaf that weighs 3x its body weight* Wife: Can you imagine being that strong? Me: *Picking up leaf* Yes.
@melgabored: BIDEN (whispering) Barack. Psst, Barack. Barack, turn around. OBAMA Joe, I'm a little busy. BIDEN I love you.
@WilliamAder: It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.