@fillthevacuum: I know you didn't sneeze. I said "God bless you" because your baby is ugly.
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@Parkerlawyer: Hubs, "What are we doing tonight?" Me, "As long as I'm with you I'm happy." ~Watches him watch ESPN on his phone~ Me, "I want a divorce."
@TheSeanBrewster: I was feeling depressed, then saw a guy with one arm and thought "oh man, I could be getting so much more sympathy if I was missing an arm!"
@wilnettleton: "Last Christmas" is a strange song. It's been 12 months and we're just now addressing this situation?