@fillthevacuum: I know you didn't sneeze. I said "God bless you" because your baby is ugly.
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@briangaar: Son, let me tell you the story of the Three Bears. A girl broke into their house and they ate her. Stay out of my stuff, goodnight
@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
@joejwest: [judging dog show] DOG: [barks] ME: [ticks clipboard] This one's working fine AUDIENCE MEMBER: You have misunderstood what's required of you