@realHamOnWry: I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again.
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@shutupmikeginn: "Oh, you're left handed?" - people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I'm just doing it for show
@leifromloihi: [pulls away from kissing] do you ever pretend nfl players with dreadlocks swinging around under their helmets are predators
@jjhartinger: Just when I thought I had my life together. I found my missing shoe in the microwave.