@EmmyCic: I learned snapchat finally
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Watching my mom use an iPhone is like watching a 12 year old girl try and contact her dead grandma on a Ouija board.
@JosesLovesYou: Sometimes I loiter outside of Victoria's Secret just so people think I have a girlfriend.
@TylerComeOn: Stomach: I'm hungry. Brain: Chill out, dude, she's in a meeting. Stomach: I WILL NOW DEMONSTRATE A WHALE'S MATING CALL.
@Sanbel11: My friend asked me today if I started Christmas shopping. I'm crying. While digging a hole to bury her.