@Papa_Mex: I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women...
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@meganamram: Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote "blackbird" about Batman
@MyMomologue: What I thought I would say as a parent: "You are going to change the world." What I say as a parent: "Stop licking the window."
@Home_Halfway: It was when I stabbed a Capri Sun perfectly the first time, right in that grey circle, that I knew I wanted to be an assassin.
@Jmboyd58: *driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you.