@Papa_Mex: I learned that you transfer more germs shaking hands than kissing....It didn't take HR long to stop me from introducing myself to women...
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@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?
@o__0Dev: Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer Why is there a spatula in my room?
@So504real: Then: Me: I want McDonald's Mom: Do you have McDonald's money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??