@Soo_Scandalouss: I leave spider carcasses on the wall to make sure the other spiders understand..
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@PaperWash: dad: I AM VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN son: HI VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU YOUNG MAN IM GREG dad: omg [sheds a tear]
@thecrabbyhook: My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
@BlindChow: "I have a particular set of spills," Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt. He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken.
@jonnysun: JESUS: today im going to walk on water JUDAS: NO DONT-- [jesus walks onto ocean. entire ocean turns to wine. all ocean life dies instamtly]