@Chocovania: I leave the interview room as I entered it, karate chopping air and unemployed.
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@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
@sageboggs: Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake
@ShanaRose21: After reading some marriage tweets I'm beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.