@tastefactory: I left a trail of rose petals leading to the bed and on the bed was a note that said "This is what happens to roses who cross me"
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@truegritrumble: Don’t have a nemesis? Make one. Key a stranger’s car. Start whistling in a theater. Sign up a coworker for mailing lists. Make life exciting
@AndyAsAdjective: Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that if I see a cute animal I should force my cat to fight it until it's weak enough to enslave.
@Brampersandon_: [Evan]: This new hair product is the best [Brad]: Yeah. Check out Jack still using mousse [Jack]: *with Bullwinkle on his head* Shut up guys