@markhoppus: I left some avocado toast out on the front porch and in the morning I’d caught three millennials. Paid off their student loans and released them back into the wild. Good kids.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Reverend_Scott: Inspirational tweet: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train.
@TheHyyyype: [brainstorming movie scripts] WRITER: a romantic comedy? guy sees girl in red dress and falls in- STEPHEN KING: what if it's an evil dress
@FrenulumBreve: [Witness Protection Program] So the more ordinary, mundane your new name is, the easier it'll be to blend into your new- BUBBLENUTS McFUNKY!