@markhoppus: I left some avocado toast out on the front porch and in the morning I’d caught three millennials. Paid off their student loans and released them back into the wild. Good kids.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Daughter has amputated three dolls in the span of twelve hours. Really hoping our dog is smart enough to stay away from her.
@Book_Krazy: I bet the kids who TP'd my yard last night and didn't know that toilet paper was on my grocery list, feel pretty stupid right about now