@obviousplant_: I left this letter from ‘Management’ on the doors of an apartment complex
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@pixelatedboat: This Easter, please take a moment to remember Jesus and his inspiring message for mankind:
@TheCatWhisprer: [cats at shelter] Where's Frank? "Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."
@Jamdug: Friend: "Hey, that girl is cute. Can you put in a good word for me?" Me: "Sure" *walks up to girl* *whispers* "magnanimous"