@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him
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@michaelianblack: Police inspectors on British mystery shows always seem to know the murder victim. Moral: do not befriend any British police inspectors.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea
@gwatts77: Just ordered a pizza from Papa Johns online ordering system & it asked me if I had any instructions for the driver. Yes, "Bring weed, bro"