@Adar79Angie: I let friend's kid call my ex & say "Are you really my daddy?" while I'm in the background yelling "hang up the phone,he doesn't want you!"
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@KeetPotato: *gives you dictionary for your birthday* wow.. i don't know what to say "that's why i bought it for you"
@chuuew: As the zombies swarm, I ask for one last selfie. By the time they realise their dead flesh won't activate the touch screen, I'm long gone.
@TomTheWicked: If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter.
@Phook75: Considering we've produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, I'm more surprised other countries haven't built a wall around the U.S.